


This Pain I Know

by Sapphire_Ruby



Series: These Hands of Mine [2]
Category: jacksepticeye
Genre: Angst, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-17
Updated: 2021-03-03
Packaged: 2021-03-11 22:54:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29500248
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sapphire_Ruby/pseuds/Sapphire_Ruby
Summary: Hello hello! This is the sequel to These Hands of Mine!!Right where we left off. Marvin has been defeated, but now it seems he's stolen Jameson away. And Jackie has his powers back! Although, they are a little out of control at the moment. But for now, there is an uneasy ceasefire between these two enemies. As Jackie and his family want to desperately get their brother back from this vile monster.(( I'll update this when I have a more solid grasp on the entire story ))(( I also make no promises about how frequently I can update this ))
Series: These Hands of Mine [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2166939
Kudos: 5





	1. Promise Me

**Chapter Title: Promise me**

**content warning: blood, mild description of injuries**

“Jackie?! Fuck.” Chase could only stand there, unsure of what the fuck going on. He looked back again, hoping maybe it was just an illusion, that Jameson was actually there. But he had no such luck. There was only a blood stain on the ground and no one there. Coming back to the situation right in front of him, Chase had a different disaster to deal with. Jackie was (hopefully) passed out on the asphalt, fresh blood staining his old and new injury sites, singe marks on him where he’d been burned. Little lightning arcs sparked every now and again along Jackie’s body. Not-Jackie was on his back, still smoking a bit, blood on his face and electric burn marks on his clothing. _These two really are a pair_.

“Come on, Chase. Help me get them inside.” As Henrik grunted to stand, Chase finally stopped being frozen.

“Who the hell is that?”

“Marvin. Long story. Now help!” Henrik went around to start moving this, Marvin fellow. But that wasn’t the right thing to do.

“He tried to kill us Henrik! Why are you helping him!!” Chase could still feel the ache from that jolt of electricity Cat had pulsed through his brain. And his stomach was still hot from where that fireball hit him. Having this monster in the same house as them... it was alright when it was Jackie who was a danger. But this man wasn’t Jackie.

“I’ll explain later,” Henrik grunted, heaving Marvin onto his back to carry him. “Just get Jackie inside, alright!” Henrik started off for their house and Chase stared down at Jackie.

“Sorry little bro,” Chase bent down, trying to math out what was the best way to carry Jackie. “Sorry I thought– OW!” As soon as he went to touch him, Chase was hit again with a stinging electric shock. The lightning kept sparking, even though Jackie was still unconscious. At least his little brother was breathing at an even pace. He could still breathe just fine. “Overdid it, did’ya?” Chase wasn’t sure if he was scolding or teasing. Jackie didn’t react to it though. “Alright.” Chase took off his coat — Henrik’s coat — and laid it on top of Jackie. The cold rapidly sank into his skin, causing him to shiver, but he needed to move his brother. Cautiously, he tried to touch Jackie again through the protective layer, only to be shocked again. “dammit.”

Chase wouldn’t endure another prolonged shock. Couldn’t. But he had to get Jackie inside... Blankets! He turned to see how far away the house was. A bit further than a hop, skip, and a jump. Turning back, he looked down at Jackie, still looking all too peaceful for the state his body was in. “Why couldn’t you have passed out closer to home?” Chase looked around for any cars. None. Monday. People would have left work by now. Hopefully anyone driving would have the sense to see a man laying on the street before running over him.

Running as fast as he could, he went home and bounded up the stairs, ignoring Henrik’s yelling at him along the way as he grabbed blankets from Jameson’s room. Jamie had the plushest ones. Probably good insulators. And then back down the stairs, blankets already warming up his frigid skin, and out to the cold.

Wrapping his brother was not the easiest of jobs, but Chase managed to give him a cocoon of insulation that allowed him to hold his brother. Arms under his knees and on his upper back, Chase lifted, immediately wondering how the hell Jackie always made this carry look so easy. But he carried him, struggling some of the way, constantly looking ahead to safety. Henrik was gracious enough to help get him across the doorway and drop the sparky boy onto the couch. All Chase could do was stand back a moment and breath and huff. Looking at his brother, wrapped up in blankets, still alive. _Jameon’s gonna be pissed_ .... _shutthefuckup._

The door slamming snapped Chase out of his gaze though. And looking around him, there were only three people in the living room. “Where’s Cat?” his voice had a softer cadence than earlier, but he was still on edge.

“Med bed. Now, watch over Jackie.” Henrik turned to walk away.

“Wait! Where are you going?”

Henrik rubbed his hands together and started rolling the long sleeves of his shirt up. “I have a patient to attend to.” And went towards his medical office.

“You’re helping him first?? The guy who tried to kill us?!?”

“And the man who will die first if I don’t do anything!” Henrik snapped back, not letting Chase see his face.

“He doesn’t deserve your sympathy Henrik! He may look like Jackie, but he is nothing like our brother!”

“Chase! I don’t have time to explain things to you! Just– watch over Jackie.” He slammed the door to his office even harder than he did the front door; it was so loud that it felt like the house should have shook with it. Chase sat in the armchair, stunned and upset that Henrik would act this way. This Marvin... who the hell was he even? Henrik had said something before. And it took a few minutes to get past the scramble in his brain. ... Had said that it was Marvin. And something about Jameson. ... Fuck, his brain hurt too much right now. 

Chase sat forward, patting his brother’s leg through the blanket. “I’m sorry he’s not helping you,” he started. “Should just let the bastard die from his injuries.” It wasn’t compassionate. Fuck being compassionate.

And amid the ire that was making Chase’s insides boil, his stomach was turning with a different feeling. Not from his injuries though. “I’m sorry I thought you could be so evil. That you’d try and kill me Jackie. I should have known better.”

Where was that spare med kit? Upstairs bathroom? Downstairs? Henrik’s other office? Chase got up and looked for it. His stomach lurched at the movement, heat rising from his burn site and acid crawling up his throat. Made it into a bathroom just in time. He let himself sit on the bathroom floor a minute after flushing the sick away. Maybe he needed some first aid too. Even if it was only a residual aching pain and not searing like before. But Jackie came first. He was in far worse shape than Chase. He shouldn’t be complaining right now.

Retrieving the med kit from upstairs, Chase came back down and carefully unwrapped Jackie, sitting on the coffee table to look at his patient. Sparks were less frequent now, but they were still jumping. “You’re safe now Jackie. Let me take care of you, for once.” Jackie was still unconscious, his powers showing no sign of calming down. But Chase knew he’d heard him. Even if Jackie couldn’t respond, he would have heard it. Benefit of a brother with super-hearing.

Let’s see now. Band-aids. Scissors. Gauze. Antibiotic gel. Gloves. Cold pack. Well, he could take care of stuff like scrapes and wrappings. Okay, first. Clean the wounds. Chase looked at Jackie. Long pants, long shirt. Alrighty; first, remove clothing to find wounds.

And already he was stuck. Couldn’t very well touch Jackie. Even if he could, he didn’t know if he should be pulling a shirt off over his head. Didn’t want to cut it away either. New strategy, maybe get some insulating gloves and roll up the clothing. Or look for blood stains. Yeah, yeah, that would work. They didn’t have insulating gloves. And Chase couldn’t very well get a grip on any fabric through this blanket. Insulators. Insulators... Oven holders? They could work, right?

Getting the pot holders from the kitchen, Chase tentatively tried it out, grabbing Jackie’s sleeve, keeping fabric in-between them. It was a rough grip, but it worked well enough. Okay. Good.

Chase checked Jackie’s torso first, rolling up his shirt and carefully trying to look at his abdomen. “You know,” he started, trying to contain his shaking to just his voice and not his body. “It’s hard to see you like this right now.” There were welts and cuts and burns all over him. Next was his leg. The left was easy enough, but his right still had a boot. He kept talking while trying to remove it. “I mean, I never _like_ seeing you injured. But this is worse. It was... it was hard. to see that you couldn’t heal, but you still seemed like you. But right now, I mean.” He focused on slipping the boot off, trying not to disturb the area too much. It was a right bloody mess soaking his jeans. “I’ve never actually _seen_ you nearly die before.” What was he supposed to do next? Clean? Soap and water? He dampened the hand towel in the bathroom and came back out. Let them yell at him later for the mess.

As soon as he touched the rag to the skin though, he was shocked again. Right, water conducts electricity. Hold it through the blanket then, and hope he didn’t soak through. And the silence only made his throat choke up. Cleaning his brother’s wounds and actually seeing his injuries instead of just the bandages. “You’re supposed to be in-human,” he sniffled. “Invulnerable. Can’t stay down when you get punched. That’s not the you I know. And that...” Chase wiped away tears. “...I know, you won’t ask for help. But I think you need it. Cause the you I saw out there... you were powerful. But you were also terrifying. I– I’ve never seen you so wild before. And if you, the hero...” It was unfair to call him that. “... _my_ hero, can’t even handle your own demons, what hope is there for me?” Things were still bleeding, but it seemed better now, less flowy. He went for the wrappings.

Chase’s voice was quieter, ashamed to be speaking further. “You couldn’t even admit you still had powers. And now? They’re all over the place. Working even when you’re unconscious.” He dried off the area with the blanket before attaching the first bandage. “And I still can’t admit–” The words caught in his throat as another cry choked it’s way out. Chase shut his eyes to squeeze out the tears and then tried to get back to playing nurse. “...I can’t lose you too. You guys are the only family I have left. So just promise me something?” Chase looked over at Jackie’s restful, freshly cleaned face. “Promise me you won’t die anytime soon?”


	2. Open Wounds

It was a while before Henrik left his medical office. But when he did, he went straight to the bathroom, slammed the door, and Chase could hear water start running. Chase had taken to laying on the floor, still able to see Jackie despite the coffee table. All he’d done to take care of his injuries was take a couple painkillers. Even before he was hit with the brain fog that accompanied the pills, his body already felt so exhausted. He hoped he had passed out at some point, somewhere between staring at the ceiling, pushing all thoughts that arose out of his head, crying, and being so afraid to think about Jameson. No way to be sure though if he actually lost consciousness or not. Except his body always hurt; who could fall asleep when their body was yelling at their brain?

But Chase had to start getting ready now that his older brother was out and about. For starters, his entire body was aching because of this inaction. He was internal screaming at himself that they should be doing something, or yelling at each other, or even just talking about what the fuck happened. Because he wasn’t holding it together. But before Chase could even bring that conflict up, Henrik would have to tend to Jackie wounds in ways that Chase couldn’t. He’d probably be scolded for doing... whatever, wrong. And he’d just yell right back at Henrik that he should have helped Jackie first instead of that stranger.

The water finally stopped, the door opened, and heavy footsteps padded the carpet. Chase’s chest rocked with the urge to do something, but he couldn’t move. There was the definitive fall into the armchair as Henrik let out a long sigh. The need to speak arose; his tongue stayed silent. They both were. Listening to the breathing in the room. Until Henrik finally decided to start. “Where should I start?”

“Start on what,” Chase choked out.

“On Jackie.”

No doubt his brother’s bruises were turning a nice deep purple now. Broken bones were bad. Chase didn’t know what broken bones looked like unless they were poking out of the skin. “His bad leg.” There was a gash on it he’d tried to bandage up. Of course, there was also his abdomen, and his burns, and his hands that still didn’t look quite right. How was Chase supposed to know what was worst?

“You think he’ll need any stitches.”

Chase didn’t know. “Mmmhhmm,” he mumbled unsure. It was better to be safe, right?

Henrik left the room, opened a door, proceeded to rummage through a drawer, closed the door, and then came back in here. Then it hit Chase that stitches involved using a metal needle. “Wait!” he tried to warn, sitting up. But Henrik was already touching Jackie, holding his wrist without any barrier. And he wasn’t pulling away. Jackie wasn’t sparking anymore.

“Yes?”

“I uh, I guess not.” Chase moved to sitting criss cross so he could watch Henrik work. Henrik turned back to his patient, sitting on the coffee table as he worked, a great sin on any normal day.  _ Why was he the only one that had to get hurt by Jackie’s powers? _

There was silence as Henrik cut open Jackie’s jean leg to get a better look, completely undoing Chase’s hard work of pushing the fabric up. The sound of adhesive being lifted tore through the air. “What’d you clean with?”

“Soap and water.”

“Anything else you put on here?”

“No.” Was he supposed to? But Henrik went to just sewing up skin. And he moved on to Jackie’s torso. “Don’t!” Henrik paused a moment. “Don’t, destroy his shirt. Was a gift to him.” He couldn’t remember from who. And for the moment, Henrik seemed to be abiding by his request. Even though he couldn’t see what was going on, Chase just sat there, letting their doctor work. Jackie would be fine. Chase teared up again. Jackie would always be fine. “Does he need to go to the hospital again?”

“Don’t know yet. I’ll have to see how he is when he wakes up.” Chase started thinking about what it would be to stay at the hospital again. He couldn’t stand it. Those doctors were good. They saved lives. But he couldn’t go back there again. And he put his arms up and buried his face as he cried quietly to himself.

The longer he sat there, crying, maybe grieving, definitely not processing any of this, he found himself speaking. “Why couldn’t you have just let him die?”

“Excuse me?” Chase peaked out from behind his hands. His vision was blurry, and he just wiped his face. 

“That Cat. He caused all these problems for us. You should have just let him die.”

Chase imagined Henrik would have slammed something down if he could. At least felt him glaring. “I couldn’t do that.”

“Why not? He would have killed you.”

“Chase–”

“Just because you can help doesn’t mean you should.”

“Chase!”

“Jackie’s your brother! That should mean something to you!”

“Chase! Stop!” Speech vanished from Chase’s lips. “I’ll explain everything when Jackie is awake.”

“That could be hours, days from now. Just tell me now!”

Henrik took in a heavy breath. “Fine.” It took more time than Chase liked for Henrik to elaborate. Chase was trying to calm himself down enough, preparing to yell at Henrik for whatever lame reason he had. “Cat... Marvin. He’s Jackie’s biologic twin.”

No. “Bullshit.” Chase would have remembered if Jackie had a biological brother, let alone twin. But each of their mothers only had one kid with their dad. “Cat was just trying to manipulate you. Make himself look like Jackie to gain your sympathy.”

“No! Look, did you hear any of what Marvin was yelling at Jackie about?”

“Why should that matter?”

“Because he was talking about Jackie forgetting him, letting him remain dead to this family. And you said it yourself that his power felt like Jackie’s. It’s not hard to believe that his powers have some genetic component.”

“No, no! Jackie never had a twin. I would have remembered.”

“Apparently not, you numbskull!” Henrik calmed down for a moment. “Jack told us that Marvin was stillborn.”

“Then how the hell is he alive now?!”

“I don’t know, Chase! I don’t know!” Henrik lowered his head. “He’s done terrible things, I’m not letting that go. But he is also our brother. And it seems, one that wanted to escape and live with Jackie when they were young. I don’t know what happened, but I am giving him one chance to prove he’s not the horrible monster he appears to be.”

Chase didn’t want to believe it. Couldn’t believe it. Cat had to be manipulating things somehow. And Chase found himself chuckling a bit. Because Henrik, the hard ass of this family, was willing to give a second chance to a ‘long-lost brother.’ Had to be nearly dead to even think of saying Chase was strong.

“What’s so funny?”

This was rich. Double standards. Of course it would be. Another person for Chase to not live up to. “You’re an ass, you know that?” With two goddamn powerhouses in the house, how could Chase ever compare? Didn’t matter if one was murderous. Still could do more and deserved more sympathy than him.

Chase laid back down on the ground. Heat boiling inside of him. And he missed Jameson again. He looked over at J’s blanket, still covered in patchy blood stains. He’d have to wash that soon. And when they got Jameson back, he’d wrap him up in that blanket. Hold him tight. Never let him go. He’d even trade Marvin for him. Didn’t matter if he really was their brother or not.

Henrik silently went back to treating Jackie. Chase got up to get some water for his dry throat. They had Marvin. He could get answers. Find Jameson. Save him. Finally save his kidnapped family. And he missed them again, Erika and Adrianna. God it fucking hurt. But he’d use that to his advantage right now. He wouldn’t hurt like that again. Not if he could still do something about it.


	3. Emotional Motion Sickness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Henrik is sitting in the medical office while Marvin is still out cold. He's trying to come to terms with all the chaos that was today, now that he actually has a chance to think and doesn't need to immediately save someone life. And it's so hard to try and come to terms with what he actually feels.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> content warning: war metaphor

“I should have just let you die,” Henrik muttered to himself. It was easier to say aloud, knowing that Marvin wasn’t awake. But, maybe he should have said it when he knew the man would hear it. Henrik could actually think now.

Even after Marvin had passed out on the road, Henrik knew he was still dangerous. Still a threat. He knew that if given the chance again, he would kill Jackie. But then his mind started believing his own lie.  _ I’m sorry I never got the chance to know you, Marvin _ . It’s the damn fact that they were twins, that they had such a similar face. He knew it wasn’t Jackie. For the past few hours as he worked to save him, he kept reminding himself Marvin was nothing like Jackie. And yet, he still felt enough compassion– no, he wasn’t compassionate. He couldn’t be compassionate. Especially not for something as mundane as patching up someone’s injuries. It was out of obligation, or duty to help a dying man that he still dragged him into the house and worked on him for hours until he was stable enough to leave alone. Even if he deserved it, Henrik would have been unable to let him just die in the street.

And Henrik started a conversation within his thoughts. Unable, or maybe ashamed to have himself actually say them.

“Why couldn’t I have just left him there?”

“Cause you can’t just leave him to die, Henrik. You won’t let anyone else die. Stubborn, as always.” The voice was calm. Maybe it was Jackie, or Walt, or some other reassuring figure from his past. Maybe this was his brain’s way of actually trying to distance himself from that act of mercy.

“He tried to kill me! He nearly killed Jackie! Chase! Jameson! And I don’t even know what he’s done to all of them before today. Jackie– he’s been driving Jackie insane. And I just stood by, not believing his stories, letting it happen.”

“You can’t go spinning your head off.”

“Why not! Things are far more out of control than I thought! Why can’t I be allowed to spiral, just this once.”

“Because–”

“This man, my apparent Brother, brutalized Jackie. Tormented his nightmares. Stunted his powers. He drove Chase away and we’re just lucky we got him back. He caused Jameson to get into a car crash, nearly killing him and Emma! He tried killing all of us today! He is a monster!”

“No man is a monster.”

“He is!”

“No, he made monstrous choices. You do not need to forgive him for his actions, but he is still a person. And you saw that aspect of him when he fell.” Henrik felt tears in his eyes. “You saw someone in desperate pain, within inches of their life. And despite yourself, you saw him just like you saw Jackie in pain, just like that patient you lost. That’s why you helped. You are compassionate Henrik. Despite what you want anyone, even yourself, to believe. You do care.”

Henrik sat against the wall, both trying to believe and wanting not to believe what he was telling himself. “He took Jameson away,” his inner self whimpered in this losing battle.

“You don’t know that for sure. Remember what he said? ‘He took him. Said I was worthless. Needed a more obedient puppet.’ Is it not possible Marvin was being conned too?”

Henrik scowled in the darkness of his makeshift medical bay. He curled his knees inward and hugged himself, finding only empty comfort. “He could be lying.”

“He could,” the voice in his head admitted. “But then why didn’t he kill you?” Henrik shut his eyes, but that didn’t shut out all this nauseating confusion. “He could have killed you. And he didn’t why?”

“I don’t... I don’t know.” And within this mental discussion was an even deeper, interrupting thought. “Part of me wishes I had died there.”

“And what would that have fucking accomplished!” Imaginary Chase screamed at him. “Get off your ass! We need to start getting answers from him.”

And Henrik was just sitting quietly. He looked at Marvin. Breathes still shallow. If they woke him up, could he even talk?

“You betrayed us by protecting him.” Henrik’s heart hurt to hear the phrase repeated again.

“I wasn’t–”

“You should have just helped Jackie. We should be trying to find Jameson right now. But no, you’re protecting that madman! How could you save him first?! How could you stop Jackie from finishing him off!? How could you do this to us?” Henrik wasn’t even sure he was remembering Chase’s words right. But he would respond with what he wished he’d said. No, not wished. Just responding. He still didn’t have answers.

“I’m not choosing him. I just...” the voice of reason was standing beside him, “I couldn’t let him just die. It’s not my choice who gets to live and die.”

“Why did you do this?! You’re so fucking stupid Henrik! He deserves to suffer like Jackie has! He can’t just rip our family apart like this!”

“He’s....” Henrik couldn’t say that Marvin was family too.

“He’s brainwashed you into helping him! So just, for ONCE, listen to me! If you want to help your family, you’ll let me in! Let me get answers out of this monster! I can’t just leave Jameson alone, bleeding out!”

Henrik was crying, both in real life and in his mind. “I’m not brainwashed! And he’s human too! I just...” He couldn’t watch Chase beat up someone. Violence never suited Henrik. “You’re a better man than this Chase.” Did Chase even know that Henrik loved him? Could Henrik even say that to him aloud?

And there were fake knocks on the door, echoes of the past. Chase had tired himself out long ago. Was probably still slumped outside the door if he wasn’t sitting beside Jackie. And Henrik curled tighter in on himself. 

Marvin wasn’t a monster. Family, or not family, he didn’t deserve death. Hatred only created more hatred. And vengeance was all too consuming. And violence bred violence and the casualties never stopped because no one would ever hear the other side. And there was no one there besides the doctors and fleeing survivors to mourn the dead. And even then, it just became numbers and numbers until you realized you’re soaked in blood or just break down when you’re trying to have a fucking meal and just...

Henrik gripped his head tight. He didn’t want to be thinking right now. If this was war, they’d only just captured an enemy soldier. This wasn’t the end. Henrik looked quickly back at the murky path that had taken them here. And even though he was looking ahead, he couldn’t see any end in sight. This peace wasn’t real. And he didn’t want artillery shells flying over his head anymore.


End file.
